Spitzer - A Vast Right Wing Conspiracy!

As New York Governor Eliot Spitzer's career slips inexorably into a cesspit of his own making, the Left Wing, the ever-vigilant watchdogs of everybody's morality but their own, are beginning to circle the same media wagons which successfully held off Ken Starr's Comancheros in Buffalo Bill Clinton's day. Harper's Magazine sniffs out the real culprit in this whole sorry affair and it's not the horny Hillary-supporting Democratic Super Delegate. Nor is it the brothel keepers who oversaw a nationwide prostitution network from their New Jersey apartment. It is - yes, you got it in one - the Justice Department. The Bush Justice Department, to be absolutely precise which reporter Scott Horton indignantly informs us "has opened 5.6 cases against Democrats for every one involving a Republican". Finally the progressives have found at least one preferential quota system they're more than happy to denounce!



Governor Eliot Spitzer unable
to conceal his dismay at
the Vast Right-Wing Conspiracy
about to engulf his crusading
reform Administration




But Scott wasn't satisfied with mere number crunching. He consulted the almanacs, lunar cycles, tidal data and various other arcane record sources and discovered that "a number of the cases seem to have been tied closely to election cycles". Seem to have been tied? Considering that the US, probably uniquely among the world's democracies, holds national, state and local elections every two years with long primary campaigns beforehand, it would be astonishing, nay impossible for "a number" of anything - baseball records, jaywalking convictions, births of ginger-haired infants - not to seem to correlate with increased polling booth activity.

Horton waffles on about the White-Slave Traffic Act which was passed in 1910 - imagine 1910 - which apparently makes it really too old to actually, well, enforce. This Act is, he proclaims, "highly disreputable"? Why? Because some well-known and some not really well-known folks were convicted under it way back when. Jack Johnson, a black champion boxer, Charlie Chaplin, an English comic actor, some professor from Chicago and a woman from Canada who wrote books. Oh yes, and they were all really horny.

Another give-away concerning this investigation is that enough resources were "dedicated" - smell the zealotry - to it so it could be done properly! But the real smoking gun is that the DoJ nailed Spitzer because "they were looking into Spitzer's payments". (Emphasis in original) A bank, concerned with the Governor's peculiar movement of monies, had informed the IRS, as they are mandated to do in these troubled times. In this way the Public Integrity Section of the Bush Department of Justice got involved.

Horton is exercised that the investigation discovered the prostitution ring through its probing of Spitzer's financial shenanigans (he was muddying the money trail that paid for his hooker habit through phony off-shore accounts) rather than the other way around! There is, apparently, a politically correct order in which crimes must be uncovered that the vast army of PR enforcers failed to inform the rest of us about - a unique oversight. The fact that the IRS and "a bank" were involved more or less clinches it for Harper's that this is "a politically motivated prosecution".

What next? The "discovery" that the Bush FBI suborned one of the kitchen staff to slip a fistful of Viagra into poor Eliot's o.j. every morning so that the rising Democratic star and anti-corporate White Knight became a helpless victim of his pharmaceutically inflamed libido?

This is beginning to take on a weary familiarity. It is Bill's legacy to us all. A President, who accepts fellatio oris linguaeque in the Oval Office, is still feted as the Great Leader. Why should not a humble Governor, who had the decency to pay the lady handsomely for services rendered in a mere public hostelry, not finish his term?

So, are we in for another display of Clintonesque lawyerizing? "Ah did not have safe sex with that hooker...uh...Mistress Kristen."

More toe-curling Bubba-like baring of the soul? "Ah have caused pain in muh marriage."

Further psychopathic clinging to power in the face of popular repugnance while media shills busily gnaw away at what's left of public integrity because the sanctimonious prig who disgraced himself is a Democrat and ipso facto as inviolate as...every other Democrat?

For Chrissake, Spitzer, you were caught with your fandango in the cookie jar three ways to Tuesday fortnight. Resign already!

And if he does quit, it's still not safe to breathe without a mask . Elect Hillary in the Fall and we will have the sewage running through our living-rooms for a further four years!






John McCain (R - Az)
prepares for yet another
Clinton Administration